Before and after practicing judo or engaging in a match, opponents bow to each other. Bowing is an expression of gratitude and respect. In effect, you are thanking your opponent for giving you the opportunity to improve your technique."

Jigoro Kano

 

1. Jita Kyoei and Rei

 

 

As long as people are alive, human relations is an important matter. If respect and affection towards others are lost, then we are just like animals. Hence, "bowing" etiquette is important. Just as the character indicates, the left half symbolizes the "gods" and the right half symbolizes "a religious offering". In an agricultural society an offering was made to the gods at the end of the harvest as appreciation and to pray for further divine protection. This conventional practice is rei and is the present-day aspect of respect for mankind and conforms to equality in the Constitution.

礼

Rei is classified as that towards individuals of higher rank, towards those of lower rank, and towards those of equal rank. However, what should be seriously considered today is the rei towards those the eye cannot see; that is to say, the public spirit. It is important that this last form of rei be taught in the dojo over a long period of time. This rei is also exemplified in the term omoiyari (thoughtfulness) of Confucious. Sympathizing with others are not causing them trouble-this is the true spirit of rei. And this also constitutes the basis of the spirit of Jita Kyoei. (Explanation of rei by Shinichi Oimatsu)

 

So, Rei is an attitude of the heart. This is what we call 'respect' or 'reverence'. Who only on the outside respects the other, has no respect. A man must always be 'holy' for him, with an inviolable dignity and basic rights.

 

What is belonging to this, in the dojo and beyond?

 

1. Gentleness in front of the other. A judoka never gives in to the temptation to consider the other judoka's as mere opponents. Those who are thinking this way, are willing to behave like that during practice. The other Judoka must not be too vulnerable on the tatami, that's what ukemiwaza are for. But what many young people use to find exciting, to throw another as hard as possible, is not necessary and not respectful. Of course they must be trained to randori and shiai and that means also not to be too soft, but a good judoka will always ask himself : do I really try not to harm the other, not causing pain? Did I really used the opportunities to avoid the chance of injuries actively? A judoka knowing his own body knows how strength and vulnerability always go hand-in-hand. Then you will be more cautious than reckless. For yourself and others. Mitesco continues to repeat what Jigoro Kano over-emphasized: judo is flexible, and never overly powerful. In the sequel, we could say: judo is gentle for others, never overly hard. It is against the principle of seiryoku zenyo, but also against the respect for the body of the other.

Outside the dojo a judoka is also an example of gentleness (see menu 'civilization'). A judoka does not need to act tough to others and obviously never applies the techniques on the street, unless he must defend himself legally. A judoka is not the streetfighter, but someone who stand up for others, especially for the weak. A real judoka would have to jump into the breach if people are harassed, humiliated or intimidated by others. Not afraid to take the lead in softness, as people are hard against each other. A real judoka is not afraid for the devil. Knowing that others can do nothing to him, he stands strong in the defense of the value of each fellow. That's what he fights for - without weapons and fists, but with his heart. Gentle and brave.

 

2. Openness for the good in others. In each fellow-judoka lives the same spirit as in you. Not everyone is, of course, equally good or pleasant to deal with. There are simply people with an unpleasant character. There are always other judoka's who are making sick jokes during practice. A real judoka is not paying back. Anyone who respects himself, does not search for the negative aspects of the other, but what good properties can be found. In each man is something good and those who can raise understanding for the qualities and shadowpoints of himself and fellow man, can grow to perfection. In that light, a judoka:

Will not judge others. Dutch have their opinions easily said. '"I say what I think and I do what I say." In short, what we think about another, is said immediately not caring about what the effects will be. While wise people will say: 'just count to ten before you say anything. " A judoka is assertive, knows to act in situations at the speed of light, but remains cautious in relations to another. He has no prejudice about people of all race, sex, or preference. But even no post-judgment which pins someone. Gentleness and respect are on the inside. In a judoheart is no room for labels that no longer release.

 

Will not write someone off. As he is open to new techniques, to learn and to be flexible on the mat, so he is to fellow judoka's. Not only someone's technique can suddenly progress by exercise, but also a person's character. Judo is education. Imagine that the person you normally dislike, gradually improves. Should you pin someone continuously down on behavior what you think you know? A judoka is sportive, will always get up after a fall, but also helps others to get up again after a successful throw. Who refuses to shake hands after a tournament, it is very false. But shouldn't we also in our hearts: shake hands with all fellow-judoka's, whoever they are, whatever they are doing? There is a new game tomorrow, a new opportunity, a new challenge to grow on the way of judo.

 

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2. The balance between respect for yourself and others

 

 

The problem with reverence and respect is very often the relationship between your own self-image and that of others. There are people who love themselves too much, but there are also who don't love themselves enough. Although each man basically has the same dignity, the perception of self-esteem is very different. It is a matter of searching and finding your inner balance. Only in the balance compared to yourself, someone will be able to find happiness and the opportunity for self-perfection.

• Who loves himself too much, gets selfish and  arrogant - he overestimates his own value

• Who loves himself too little, gets afraid and uncertain - he underestimates his own value

In both cases there will be a problem with relations to other people. People with a too big or too small sense of self-esteem, will be both closed - albeit in a different way. The attitude towards other people is respectively crushing and humiliated.

 

Judo is an excellent way to get your self-esteem more into balance. The condition is that there is compliance with the rules of respect and sportsmanship as it should be taught in judo.

 

The balance of self-esteem creates respect. As with all forms of balance in judo, self-esteem is also a matter of not too much and not too little. Self-esteem arises only if the person who exercises judo opens his heart. Without the desire to come into balance, everything in judo (and beyond) is doomed to failure. If there is such a desire, the mechanism between judoka works as follows:

• Judoka's with a big ego open for others and learn that they are respected by the others and valued because of who they are, without a pedestal to be placed on. Because of their defeats, they obtain some humility and they experience that they are nothing more valuable than others. The sincere friendship of other judoka's overcomes the attitude of superiority and arrogance. Gradually they will be more and more by themselves.

• Judoka's with a small ego tend to open themselves and feel that they are respected by the others and valued because of who they are, without being humiliated. Their successes are encouraging them and they experience that it is worth pursuing. The sincere friendship of other judoka's overcomes the fear of physical and mental contact. Gradually they will be more and more by themselves.

If the balance of self-esteem will be more and more restored, there is a growing commitment to each other, which ensures that the judoka equally respects others and appreciates them as he appreciates himself. Only when that mental balance is found, we could say there is a balance in the group. Everyone complements each other, and there is always respect for each other's weak and strong points. This equivalence is the underlying basis for sportsmanship in the dojo and peace between people in society.

 

It is precisely this point of balance in self-esteem that is extremely topical in the dojo and beyond. Unfortunately, there are many people in our society, young people and older people, who did not receive the right feedback from their social environment in their lives. In families with problems often enough the child pays the bill. The correct handling of each other in the home-situation teaches a child in a natural way to deal with appreciation and his own value. In younger age and puberty the proper feedback is of great importance for the balance later as adults to be found. Unfortunately, many children get too little positive love and appreciation, through neglect or incompetence of those who would have to give feedback. That saves often deep wounds. Result: children searching the feedback either by others, either in itself. If they find it by others, peers or acquaintances, they receive at least some interaction. However, there is a certain risk of greater imbalance, as there is no constant in it and there is usually less love. There remains much basic uncertainty. Children can become rulers or get overruled. But if children lock themselves in their own feelings, there can be no balance. Most of these children are extremely closed and they can increasingly difficult cope with the fellow human beings. The response they receive, is negative and that makes them even more closed. A downward spiral.

 

Judo is an excellent way to develop self-esteem and people to open themselves for each other in love and respect. However, judoka's - and definitely also trainers and adults - must be extremely careful how the group is working and how individual judoka's are dealing with each other. To learn respect and reverence means also: teach judoka's self-discovery and respect.